


Spaces

by aryaautarky



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cheating, Jinhwan-Centric, Love Triangles, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryaautarky/pseuds/aryaautarky
Summary: Kim Jinhwan, the disillusioned trophy boyfriend of one Koo Junhoe, finds an unexpected friend in the younger's social circle.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan, Kim Jinhwan/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 45
Kudos: 117





	1. 1

There were many pigeonholes; categories, labels, boxes, that Jinhwan just seemed to fall into or under all his life, often with no pre-conceived notion of being there in the first place. And somehow, in some capacity, they fitted. For example: he was petite, effeminate and gay- fitted the stereotype, check. He was the quiet one in school that also happened to be academically gifted- another box checked.

Things had a way of just falling into place for him, and right now, whilst in his university of choice that he had no problem getting into, Jinhwan wondered if Koo Junhoe was yet another box that he’d found himself in.

The issue was that he just wasn’t quite sure of the fit.

Junhoe was, for lack of a better word, Jinhwan’s boyfriend. Jinhwan wasn’t entirely sure if he was comfortable using the term just yet, but that was what they had referred to each other as on two separate occasions now, so he supposed it was official.

Jinhwan had met the younger boy in his political science class, where they had been each other’s assigned project partners. They bonded over their love for political party structures and mutual disdain for the third member of their group that never showed up to any meetings, and thus, a friendship was quickly formed. On the day they handed their project in, Junhoe had asked Jinhwan out for a drink. One thing lead to another; a touch here, a pointed gaze there, a kiss... which had lead to a hurried, heated hookup in the older’s dorm room. Then the same sequence repeated itself all throughout the next three months, till they had reached the space that they were in now.

In a way, Jinhwan had become Junhoe’s little trophy boyfriend. Junhoe was insanely popular on campus, owing to his good looks and larger than life personality, but also for his ridiculously high socio-economic status. In contrast, the older had pretty much been something of a loner up until their meeting- Jinhwan hadn’t truly know the extent of the younger’s popularity till he found himself being photographed at a cafe. All of a sudden, people had started to take notice of him- people who had never spared him a second glance now hyped up his looks, his dress sense, even the food he ate. Overnight, Jinhwan had become Junhoe’s pretty little side piece- both admired and envied across campus.

Truth be told, though, Jinhwan never felt like he knew where he stood with the younger. Yes, they spent a ton of time together, but it didn’t mean that he really knew Junhoe all that well. At least, it didn’t feel like the kindred-spirit connection that he’d heard about in books. Most of their time together included sex, watching dramas and studying together- there wasn’t much in the way of a personal connection. Junhoe would call the older over to hang out quite frequently, but they’d just end up scrolling through instagram or twitter, barely saying two words to each other, save when they laughed over a meme they both found funny. Jinhwan felt like they were acquaintances who fucked a lot.

Then again, Jinhwan often thought that perhaps this was the way it was meant to be. There were countless types of relationships out there in the world- who said that they had to fit into one cookie-cutter shape that was peddled in the movies? But Jinhwan soon realized that it didn’t matter if other people were in these different types of relationships- what mattered was how he felt in his, and if he were being honest... he just didn’t know. Jinhwan wasn’t exactly happy, but he certainly wasn’t sad. It was with this mindset that he remained by Junhoe’s side.

**

There were five other people who formed Junhoe’s popular, attractive, extroverted clique on campus: namely Donghyuk, Yunhyeong, Chanwoo, Hanbin and Bobby. Jinhwan didn’t hang out with them if he could help it; it wasn’t that he outright disliked any of them, but the group tended to gather in places like clubs, or the latest trending bars, cafés and the like. Spaces way too noisy and crowded for Jinhwan’s liking.

But he didn’t always turn down Junhoe’s requests to come out with his friends- he couldn’t, for example, miss things like tonight’s celebratory drinks for his boyfriend’s new part-time modeling contract.

They were in some new, upscale pub, called something pretentious that Jinhwan couldn’t quite remember because he was well on his way to tipsy. The seven of them had gotten a private booth and there were laughs and chatters across the table, whizzing back and forth.

Jinhwan, nestled into Junhoe’s side, was quite content to just sit in his happy drunk daze and observe, only speaking when necessary. Junhoe was attentive in the sense that he’d always top up his drink and give him little kisses throughout the night. The older loved it, he thought it was so sweet. Through his beer goggles, he decided that perhaps he didn’t need whatever it was that he was worrying over in the past few weeks.

That was, until the topic of politics was brought up. Yunhyeong and Hanbin were, as usual, talking utter nonsense across the table. Jinhwan was used to this- it was normally quite amusing, hilarious even, to hear someone with no facts arguing with someone with half the facts; but today the two of them had picked a topic that was very close to Jinhwan’s heart (given the three-thousand-word paper on it he’d just handed in): the 2016 impeachment of South Korean President Park Geun-Hye.

“Um, actually,” Jinhwan said quite loudly before he could stop himself. “She was impeached in the most democratic way possible, given that all the protests were peaceful. We aren’t a perfect democracy by a long shot, but it’s worth noting that the Democracy Index actually places us higher than the USA.”

The table went silent for a few seconds, all eyes on the oldest. Jinhwan immediately regretted opening his mouth, and hurriedly tried to avoid their gazes by pouring himself another drink.

“...Oh.” Hanbin said, finally. And then, after a few beats of silence, the table returned right back to their usual flow of conversation, as if nothing had ever deterred it.

Jinhwan drank his drink, sneaking a peek to see if Junhoe was... anything, really- Jinhwan just wanted to see some emotion from him. But alas, his boyfriend had gone back to laughing at something Donghyuk was saying to Chanwoo. Jinhwan took a few extra sips, the alcohol burning his throat.

“Hey, that’s like, uh… really cool that you know that.”

Jinhwan swallowed and turned his head to the right to see Bobby, who was apparently seated next to him this whole time. They had never really interacted before at these social gatherings and to be honest, he’d never expected them to. Bobby seemed to be the exact opposite of his own preppy, goody-two-shoed self: he spoke in rap ad-libs, was perpetually late and had a chaotic-good sort of aura around him (in contrast, Jinhwan doubted he himself had much of an aura at all).

Presently though, Bobby looked nervous and a small, sheepish smile graced his lips that made the older think he was being sincere.

“...Thanks.” Jinhwan replied quietly, carefully. It was stupid, he thought, that he appreciated the younger more than he’d ever know right now. He turned back to his drink.

“You a IR major or something?”

Was Bobby actually still talking to him? Was this real life? Jinhwan realised that the younger was probably trying to make conversation with him out of pity. He decided that he didn’t really mind it; he was grateful that Bobby was trying to do something nice for him. So he returned the favour: he acted as if he hadn’t heard the younger over the chatter and focused back on his drink. He had no doubt that Bobby wasn’t actually interested in small-talk.

To his utter surprise though, Bobby actually moved closer to him and reiterated his question.

“Hey, sorry, I know it’s kinda loud in here. What’s your degree?”

Jinhwan turned to the younger warily. _What was his deal?_

“Um, it’s a double, degree, actually… in political science and biology.” He replied, ears turning a little red at the sudden attention. “What about you?”

Bobby let out a low whistle, evidently impressed.

“Fuck, a whole double degree, huh? Damn, you must be smart as hell.” He grinned easily. Jinhwan felt more at ease than he ever had on these outings. “Me? I’m just a music major. Specializing in composing and production. AKA I make it big or be a SoundCloud rapper for life.”

Jinhwan burst into giggles at that, the force of his outburst even pulling Junhoe away from whatever conversation he was having.

“Whatchu laughing at?” Bobby teased, evidently amused by the reaction he’d pulled from the typically somber older boy. “You don’t think I can make it?”

“No, that’s not it!” Jinhwan protested, still trying to contain his laughter. “It’s just...” He took in Bobby’s appearance- the silver grill, the purple dip-dyed hair worn in braids, the tattoos on his arms. “...you kinda look like an Asian Lil Pump.”

Now it was Bobby’s turn to laugh: bright, loud and unadulterated. For a second time that night, all eyes were trained in Jinhwan’s direction.

Bobby was still laughing, now pointing to Jinhwan while explaining to the rest of the group that was looking over in interest.

“He- holy shit- he called me an Asian Lil Pump!”

The table erupted in laughter.

“He raps like it too.” Hanbin cackled, getting a rise out of Bobby who hit his arm in mock outrage. Jinhwan’s eyes were torn away from the two music majors as he felt his boyfriend squeeze his arm.

“That was hilarious.” Junhoe chuckled to him, dropping a kiss on his head. Jinhwan smiled sweetly, happy at the attention. “Didn’t know you had it in you.” The younger winked as he turned back to Donghyuk.

That last bit didn’t sit right with the older.

*

There was a popular campus legend that the third floor of the Humanities Library was haunted- rumour had it that a former student’s ghost haunted the space, though there was very little evidence of this other than a flickering light. This made the deserted floor one of Jinhwan’s favourite study spots on campus.

He was studying hard for a test in there one Wednesday afternoon when someone pulled up the chair directly opposite him, despite there being plenty of empty tables around. Jinhwan looked up in annoyance, ready to glare the intruder away, but his features immediately softened when he saw who it was.

“O-Oh. Hey.”

“Hi.” Bobby greeted him sunnily. He was dressed in an oversized hoodie and jeans, messy hair tucked underneath a baseball cap. “Mind if I sit?”

“Not at all, go ahead.”

“You sure?” The younger boy asked, raising a brow. An amused smile played on his lips and he looked so _boyish_ , every bit the cocky male protagonist from some teen movie. A teen movie that Jinhwan would very much watch and fawn over. “You kinda looked like you wanted to murder me for a second before you looked up.”

Jinhwan blushed, embarrassed.

“I just- I thought you were a stranger. But you’re, um, a... friend? Yeah, a friend. So it’s cool.” He finished his train wreck of an explanation, briefly wondering how he passed the entry requirements for his double degree program. Bobby wasn’t helping, wearing a shit-eating grin.

“ _Cool_.” He smirked, lightly mocking the older’s words. “It’s good to hear you debate and then confirm that we’re friends. Out loud. _In front of me...”_

“Are you gonna sit or what?” Jinhwan snapped, hoping he hadn’t turned into a tomato during this exchange.

The younger put his hands up in surrender, chuckling.

“Aite, since you asked!”

Bobby finally sat down opposite him, laughing to himself. Jinhwan rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, but was equally amused. Biting down on his lower lip to hide his smile, he returned back to his work.


	2. 2

Jinhwan expected those two interactions with Bobby to be the last of their kind, merely a product of timing and various social factors. But Bobby continued to surprise him; at the next group meet-up, and every one after that, Jinhwan found the younger boy making it a point to include him in conversations and get his views on various topics.

The older, although bewildered, obliged and found himself integrating with the friend group in a way he hadn’t been able to since he was introduced to them a year ago. He discovered that the rest of the boys were actually interested in what he had to say, and soon he actually found himself not hating these group excursions.

Bobby never missed a chance to see him at the library, either. Jinhwan was in there everyday and the younger made it a point to drop by, even if for just five minutes to say hi. _‘I was in the area,’_ he’d say, grinning. Jinhwan, usually blushing and flustered, wasn’t complaining one bit; but did wonder why Bobby was in the area so often... especially when the Music Department was on the other side of campus.

As their semester drew to a close, Jinhwan still had no clue as to why Bobby took such a liking to him in the first place. He wondered if the younger was trying to do his boyfriend a favour by helping him integrate with the rest of the guys, but it wasn’t as if Bobby and Junhoe were close- in fact, they were probably the most distant with each other amongst their friend group.

Jinhwan didn’t really know what Bobby’s game was, and that bothered him more than he’d like to admit. Especially when he perhaps _wanted_ there to be an ulterior motive.

*

Jinhwan was in a particularly foul mood one Thursday afternoon when Bobby found him in the library. He and Junhoe had a fairly explosive argument beforehand: Jinhwan had gotten an average grade on an essay because he had forgotten to include a bibliography, and was worried about his scholarship. Unfortunately, Junhoe had brushed it aside in lieu of talking about himself, and that was where the fight had begun. The older had walked out of the room seething, thinking to himself that _Bobby_ wouldn’t have treated him this way.

Unfortunately, the thought had only served to make him more upset- _who even was Bobby to him?_

“Hey, everything okay?” The younger asked in concern, setting his study materials out on the desk.

“Fine.” Jinhwan replied brusquely, not meeting his gaze.

“You don’t look fine.” Bobby eyed him warily. He’d never been one to beat around the bush.

Jinhwan looked up then, eyes narrowed.

“What’s it to you, huh?” He asked. Because really, what _was_ all of this to Bobby? “Why are you even here?”

The music major looked genuinely taken aback. Hurt, even. He immediately stood up and started gathering his things to leave.

“I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.” He muttered, stuffing his possessions back into his backpack.

“No, wait- Bobby, I’m sorry.” Jinhwan pleaded, immediately feeling terrible for what he’d just said. “I really am sorry. Please, sit down.”

“You’ve made it clear that you don’t want me here.” Bobby had stopped packing his belongings, still holding onto his MacBook mid-air. He could still be swayed.

“I just,” The older boy started, trying to get his thoughts in order. “Look- I can’t figure you out, okay? I don’t know why you want to be around me and hang out with me so much. We’re pretty much polar opposites and I... I just don’t see why you’re here.”

Bobby stared at Jinhwan for a few seconds like he’d grown a second head. After a few blinks, he put his MacBook back down on the study table. The older breathed a sigh of relief, but what Bobby said next almost made him scream.

“I like you.” The younger shrugged, sitting back down in his seat. He looked directly into Jinhwan’s eyes, gaze intense. “That’s all there is to it.”

Jinhwan’s mind went into overdrive- there were so many ways to interpret that sentence and he would be vehemently lying if he said that he didn’t have a preferred interpretation.

Bobby was staring him down now, silently challenging him to do something with the information presented. Jinhwan knew that the younger wanted him to ask, probe, discover… but Jinhwan wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t know if he ever would be. So he returned the favour:

“I like you too.” It was just as ambiguous. He quickly faked a smile and went back to his work, trying to look as impassive as possible.

Across him, Bobby’s face looked like the personification of a question mark. When it became clear that neither of them were going to elaborate, the younger heaved a sigh and opened his laptop back up, getting to work. Bobby was frustrated, Jinhwan could tell, but he hoped it wasn’t bad enough for him to stay mad. When they finished up for the day and Bobby gave him a quick hug as they parted ways, Jinhwan knew they were going to be okay.

That was the first and last time they ever spoke of their feelings.

*

It finally happened, one night.

It was the week before their finals and the both of them had just finished their revision. Bobby asked Jinhwan to have a drink with him after their library study, _‘as a reward for our hard work, hyung’._

The older immediately started to overthink it, knowing full well what could transpire from this night- but he then noticed that the younger was dressed in more formal clothing today: jeans instead of basketball shorts, a casual button-up instead of a t-shirt; Bobby had _planned_ this. This knowledge made Jinhwan more hopelessly endeared than usual, and he couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

_‘Okay, just one drink.’_

When they left the library building and headed to some small, hole-in-wall bar that Bobby apparently frequented, Jinhwan could already tell that tonight was going to be… different. For one thing, the place was incredibly intimate- literally just three booths and two seats at the bar. He could practically feel the energy radiating off of Bobby, the excitement, the anticipation; he could see it in his posture, could feel it when their arms brushed as they slid into the booth together.

They got to drinking, and then to talking; Jinhwan loved talking to Bobby, and in this moment he felt as if it could be his favorite thing to do in the world. Bobby always walked the line between respectful and irreverent, playful and sincere, with such ease and charm.

The younger was making all the right moves: he remembered Jinhwan’s drink order, he was being attentive to everything the older was saying- he even asked about the older’s pet dog in Jeju.

Somewhere during one of their conversations, Jinhwan, a few drinks in, noticed how close they had gotten. Bobby had an arm around his shoulders while Jinhwan himself had nestled into the other’s side, head resting on the younger’s shoulder. He looked up, and found Bobby staring down at him with nothing but open affection. For once in his life, Jinhwan decided to not overthink the thoughts in his head.

Jinhwan sat up and turned to Bobby, leaning forward and pecking him on the lips. When he drew back, Bobby opened his eyes slowly, but he didn’t look surprised. A shy smile graced his lips and the older boy was further smitten.

“I should’ve taken you out for drinks ages ago.” He half-chuckled, his hand coming up to stroke the other’s cheek. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to do that...”

“Did it have to be me?” Jinhwan stole another kiss, intoxicated by all things Bobby. The younger boy sighed into it.

“You know it did.”

Bobby stopped his ministrations then, gently tilting Jinhwan’s head towards him so that they made eye contact. His look was gentle but firm, and the older knew that he was reminding him of the facts: for all intents and purposes, Jinhwan was still very much Junhoe’s boyfriend.

Jinhwan recognized this, he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. But now that he’d had Bobby in such close proximity, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted more. So much more.

Bobby seemed to be waiting on a response of some kind, so Jinhwan gave it to him- he got up from his spot and straddled the younger, raking his fingers through his hair and connecting their mouths. It was messy, some teeth and all tongue, but so so _good_. Jinhwan licked into his mouth one final time, pulling back to lick and suck at the younger’s neck.

“You... you really want this?” Bobby’s husky voice in his ear had Jinhwan harder than he had ever been in his life. The older didn’t speak, instead, he took Bobby’s hand and guided it down to his hard-on.

 _“Baby,”_ Bobby got out the term of endearment in surprise and sheer awe. “Oh baby...”

He gave Jinhwan’s bulge a gentle squeeze and Jinhwan bucked up into the touch, a little moan leaving his lips. After a few minutes of making out and dry-humping, the younger pulled back with fire in his eyes.

“I’m gonna make you mine.”

  
  
It was so different with Bobby.

With each new level of intimacy they reached there were soft pauses, little moments of eye contact and lifted brows within which Bobby would subtly keep checking in to see if he still had consent. The sheer amount of care almost overwhelmed Jinhwan- he wasn’t used to having this much attention lavished on him in bed.

With Junhoe, Jinhwan would just give, give, give. It felt so good to finally receive.

When Bobby finally pushed into Jinhwan, the older wanted to cry- not from any discomfort, but from how goddamn perfect it was. He was already keyed up and on the edge of orgasm from all the foreplay they’d had earlier, and it took all his willpower to hold back from exploding.

Bobby noticed, though- of course he did- caressing Jinhwan’s face while slamming into him. The touch was so gentle in comparison to the brutal pace that he was keeping against the older’s prostate.

“Gorgeous,” He breathed, mesmerized by the way Jinhwan moaned and whimpered as he got fucked into. “You don’t know how many times I wanted to bend you over a library table... but you’d like that, wouldn’t you baby? Like letting everyone see us like this? See how well you take me?”

The stars had aligned. That was the only explanation that Jinhwan had- _how did their kinks line up so perfectly?_ The thought scrambled as soon as Bobby snapped his hips down again.

“Come for me, baby. C’mon, make a mess for me.”

So Jinhwan did, and it was so good he could feel the pleasure surge through every nerve ending in his body. He came in thick ropes over his stomach, a little even getting on his chin. Bobby fucked him through it all gently, making the whole thing that much better. Once Jinhwan started coming down from his post-orgasm high the younger slowly started to pull out, but Jinhwan grabbed his hand to stop- Bobby hadn’t come yet.

“K-Keep going,” Jinhwan breathed. “In me. Don’t worry, I can take it...”

Bobby smiled wryly. “Just ‘cause you can, doesn’t mean you have to.”

Jinhwan didn’t know what came over him, but in one swift motion he had sat up and pushed the younger down so that he was on top.

“There’s nothing I want more than for you to fill me up right now.” He begged in earnest, rolling his hips purposefully. “Please, Bobby…” And that did it for Bobby- the younger boy nodded, exhaling shakily as he chased his own orgasm, Jinhwan making the prettiest sounds as he rode him in earnest.

When they were both spent and tangled up in each other’s arms, Jinhwan couldn’t help but admire the younger’s sleeping face while he dozed off himself. Bobby had said earlier that he’d make him his. As Jinhwan drifted off to his own subconscious, he wondered if he had succeeded.

*

Jinhwan wasn’t sure if he would see Bobby at the library today. It was the day after their little rendezvous and the memory of their tryst was still white-hot and fresh in his mind, begging to be replayed and possibly recreated. His thoughts were chock-full with imagery of the younger; Bobby on top of him, Bobby under him, the way Bobby growled when he came.

With great difficulty, Jinhwan decided to try and put the younger out of his mind for now- he had come here to study, not daydream about music majors. He thought hard about their upcoming exams and got down to work, although he kept messing up his notes.

Soon enough, the root cause of Jinhwan’s distractions himself made his arrival known with his familiar shuffle. Jinhwan saw a pair of Jordans before him and gulped. He looked up.

“Hey.”

“‘Sup.”

They stared at each other awkwardly before Bobby put his backpack down on the table and walked over to Jinhwan’s side, holding out his hand. Jinhwan took it hesitantly. Bobby lead the older right to the end of the third floor behind a large bookshelf. Jinhwan let himself be pulled, following as if in a trance.

Bobby did a quick once over once they were there, nervous energy coming off of him in waves. Satisfied that no one would see them, he pushed Jinhwan against the wall and attacked his mouth. Jinhwan could feel the want in Bobby’s grip, could taste it on his tongue. Doing this once could have been brushed off as a mistake, but twice? Sober, in broad daylight, in the _library?_ That was a choice.

Jinhwan eagerly gave back as good as he got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, esp through the shitty smut lol <3 always happy to hear feedback of any kind!
> 
> twt: @thotjinhwan


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one might require a little reading between the lines!

If Bobby had an issue with their unspoken arrangement, he certainly didn’t show it- he seemed more than willing to take anything Jinhwan gave him, putting his everything into in to the late night trysts and stolen kisses in the most endearing, Bobby-way possible. He was always there for Jinhwan with a smile and a touch that was just right.

Jinhwan admittedly didn’t quite know how to handle all of it just yet. It was difficult to process; one second he was sure Bobby wasn’t aware of his existence, and the next the younger’s presence was all he craved. It was an easy transition, though, made smoother by the slide of bare skin and heavy rushes of endorphins.

Another important factor about Bobby, which enabled their little thing to continue as it did, was that he never mentioned Junhoe.

Bobby had never asked Jinhwan once why he was still with Junhoe. The older suspected he already knew. It made him feel dirty, that someone else was privy to his secret, even though Bobby had never given him any sign that he disapproved. There were _reasons_ as to why Jinhwan was with Junhoe. And he was not necessarily ashamed of them himself, but he did wonder sometimes if Bobby judged him for it.

Jinhwan would cut Bobby off, if he had any pride.

 _Would_.

Jinhwan did feel guilty about what had transpired, though. It didn’t consume him, but it was certainly there, rearing its head at irregular intervals; like when Junhoe waited for him after class, or when he and Junhoe were debating politics during tutorials and he’d let the younger win. Jinhwan did his best to acknowledge the feeling and move on. He wouldn’t, couldn’t break up with his boyfriend anyway- it was out of the question. If at all, Bobby would be the one that Jinhwan cut off in the end.

 _Would_.

**

To Jinhwan’s credit, he really had tried to end things with Bobby.

The friend group had all been out clubbing one ridiculously cold winter night. It was one of those chaotic Fridays and the boys were at one of their customary tables, dancing and drinking. Junhoe and Chanwoo were presently trying to peer pressure Yunhyeong into sculling a whole pitcher of something or the other, while Hanbin was eagerly filming the whole thing. Jinhwan himself was seated at their booth, laughing at everyone’s antics, grinning hard enough to expose all his gums.

“You’re so pretty when you smile.” Somebody whispered in his ear.

A blushing Jinhwan turned around to see a very drunk Bobby, tequila bottle in hand and signature lopsided smirk. The older boy sucked in a breath- Bobby looked good tonight. He had those ripped skinny jeans on with a white shirt that had one too many buttons undone.

“And you’re just pretty all the time.” Jinhwan replied coyly, biting his lip.

“You think I’m pretty?” Bobby chuckled in soft surprise, inching closer.

“Yeah, of course I do.” The older boy reached out for his hand. “I think you’re the prettiest when you’re under me.”

Bobby, completely taken, leaned in and kissed him. And Jinhwan returned it, for a moment- it was so nice to do this out in the open, why didn’t they- _fuck_. He broke the kiss as soon as his brain caught up with his actions, but it was too late. The damage had been done- a livid Junhoe marched right up to them, absolutely fuming.

 _“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”_ He yelled, shoving Bobby. He looked furious.

Jinhwan was mad too, for two reasons: firstly, at himself for being so fucking stupid. Secondly, that Junhoe didn’t really give a damn about him this entire night until right this second. Even now, Junhoe was cursing at Bobby instead of him, like Jinhwan didn’t have a part to play in what had just happened. Like he didn’t even exist except to be Junhoe’s pretty little side piece.

“June I can explain-” He heard Bobby slur.

“Explain, then.” Junhoe spat. He had gotten a fistful of Bobby shirt and Jinhwan could just tell that he was absolutely ready to throw down. “You have around _five seconds_ before I-”

“Get off him!” Jinhwan cried, much to the surprise of everyone. “He’s- he’s clearly drunk, June.” Much quieter now.

“Yeah, he’s had a _fuck_ ton to drink.” Hanbin tittered, utterly wasted himself. Jinhwan cringed, but nodded.

Junhoe looked from Hanbin to Bobby, and then eventually let go of his shirt.

“I’m sorry, man.” Bobby apologized, head down. “I really am.”

Somehow, Jinhwan got the feeling that he wasn’t being insincere.

“...That’s alright.” Junhoe muttered. “Fuck, just- I don’t know- kiss Hanbin next time, alright?”

Bobby laughed along with everyone else, jostling his head.

“Yeah. Sure.”

The night ended shortly after- Junhoe and Bobby had made up, but the little scuffle had definitely put a damper on the evening. Also, Yunhyeong had puked on some poor girl’s dress. They all shuffled out of the club together, looking for their respective ubers. As the minutes ticked past, Junhoe and Donghyuk decided to walk up the street to look for their drivers while Hanbin and Chanwoo were helping Yunhyeong throw up in a nearby bush.

That left Jinhwan and Bobby, standing awkwardly together by the club’s entrance.

Jinhwan spared a glance at the younger boy and then promptly directed his eyes to the pavement. This was it. This night, given what had happened earlier, was clearly his out- his chance to end things with the music major.

“This can’t happen again.” Jinhwan mumbled before he could stop himself, desperately willing himself not to cry.

Bobby looked up from his phone in shock.

“What?” He asked in a strangled voice. “You mean- you don’t mean…”

“Yeah.” Jinhwan’s voice trembled as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“Jinhwan. Jinani.” Bobby moved to stand in front of him now, his expression panicked. “I’m- I was- I wasn’t thinking, okay? I’ll be better! I can do better, I was just drinking too fucking much and I’d smoked up before and you know how I get when-”

“Hey.” Jinhwan placed a hand on the other’s chest, wanting to do anything to stop Bobby looking so terribly upset. The younger boy was literally shaking before him. “Don’t worry, calm down... I mean- I meant that we can’t do that in _public_ again. That’s all.”

Bobby’s frame sagged in relief, clutching the petite hand against him.

“Oh. Oh, thank god.”

Voices sounded in the distance so the two boys quickly stepped away from each other, but not before Bobby pressed a quick kiss to the older’s hand. Jinhwan hid his smile in his scarf as Hanbin approached, letting them know with a roll of his eyes that their uber drivers would probably be another five minutes.

Jinhwan nodded politely, bidding them goodbye to go and stand with Junhoe, who had decided that they were just going to have to settle for a taxi tonight instead of an uber premium.

Jinhwan’s brain was racing a mile a minute and his smile slowly disappeared as he found his boyfriend and slipped his hand into his.

“You okay?” Junhoe asked, giving the cold little fingers a squeeze.

“No.” Jinhwan admitted, squeezing back. “I really wanna go home.”

Junhoe nodded, wrapping the older up in a hug with one arm and hailing a cab with the other. Jinhwan wrapped himself around Junhoe, sighing into his chest.

**

Soon, Jinhwan and Bobby had been secretly seeing each other for around a year.

Bobby was different from Jinhwan in many ways- he certainly wasn’t as well-versed in world affairs, politics, or many other things that Jinhwan found interest in; but he was intelligent, had a good enough sense of humour for the both of them and always listened before he spoke. He was open to any topic of conversation that Jinhwan brought up, never hesitating to admit if he was unaware of any terms being used. Jinhwan admired him greatly for this and found himself enjoying his company thoroughly. Bobby’s cheek still got on his nerves sometimes, but it was a small price to pay for such good company. Besides, the younger always made it up to him in bed, anyway.

Slowly, but surely, Bobby became a part of Jinhwan’s life. Bobby was late nights in the library, McDonald’s runs at 4AM, anime binges in the younger’s dorm room, text messages written in code, random audio notes of beats on KakaoTalk and rap verses scribbled in Jinhwan’s textbooks. He was promises relied in kisses, silly arguments over shitty campus coffee, the soothing words Jinhwan needed to hear when he was anxious about his coursework. Jinhwan wouldn’t have it any other way.

**

One day, Bobby didn’t show up to their weekly study session at the library. Jinhwan frowned, but decided that the younger was probably just slacking off. They had decided that Thursdays would be one of their study-only days, which meant that there was no making out or hooking up behind bookshelves allowed. They had decided it just two days ago, and Jinhwan supposed this was just his way of protesting it.

Jinhwan didn’t feel upset, though- it wasn’t as if Bobby had to inform him of his whereabouts or anything like that. He didn’t even ask that of Junhoe. He did move to the more populated fourth floor, though; the deserted third floor was just a little lonely (and creepy) without companionship.

Much later that evening, Junhoe burst into the study area, waving wildly.

“Jinan, come on! We’ve gotta go!”

Jinhwan looked up in surprise and slight embarrassment, the latter in response to all the dirty looks being shot his way at his boyfriend’s loud entrance. Everyone knew who Koo Junhoe was on campus and that meant everyone knew who he was dating. 

Jinhwan immediately got up and started gathering his things, even though he wasn’t done studying yet. He just wanted to get out of here ASAP- away from the eyes on them.

“What’s going on, June?” He whispered as the younger approached him to take his bag, ever the gentleman. Jinhwan couldn’t help but smile at the gesture.

“Bobby and Hanbin are performing at an underground club tonight!” Junhoe whispered back excitedly. Unfortunately, it was still at the volume of a normal person speaking. Jinhwan could feel the library collectively getting more annoyed, so he quickly latched on to his boyfriend’s arm and led them out of the building. When they were finally out, he turned around in surprise.

“Tonight?!” He asked, incredulous. It was already 11PM. “You mean like, right now?”

“Yeah!” Junhoe nodded enthusiastically. “Hanbin called and said that they just managed to squeeze themselves into the set list this morning. They also just got all of us on the guest list so come on, we gotta hurry!”

Jinhwan’s jaw dropped as he followed the younger to the parking lot, incredibly happy for his friends. He didn’t need to be told what a big deal this was- Bobby had already been talking to him about this for months. From what he understood, these underground clubs were key in getting your music out there and impressing talent scouts from major entertainment agencies and record labels. This definitely explained Bobby’s unexplained absence today as well.

“Let’s go!” Jinhwan smiled as he got into Junhoe’s BMW. “What does one wear to a battle rap club?” He wondered out loud, wearing his seatbelt.

“We don’t have time to change hyung, it’s already late.” Junhoe laughed, putting the key in ignition.

Jinhwan turned to him, mortified.

“Excuse me? I can’t go to an underground rap club dressed like this!”

Junhoe gave him a quick once over. His pause was enough to confirm the older’s thoughts.

“It’s, uh, not ideal... but we might miss their set if we go back home.” The younger gave his boyfriend an apologetic look and Jinhwan sighed. Junhoe was right, they couldn’t afford to miss this.

“Hey... how’d you know where to find me, anyway?”

“Oh, Bobby said he’s seen you study at the Humanities Library before.” Junhoe explained distractedly, trying to pay attention to his GPS. Jinhwan felt warm on the inside, but on the outside he watched Junhoe’s face for any signs of suspicion. After a minute he concluded that there was nothing to be worried about, and relaxed back in his seat.

He made a mental note to be more attentive to his boyfriend today. It would be easy to do- Junhoe had recently joined a volunteer club at their university and it had actually served to make him less of a brat.

“By the way,” Said Junhoe, interrupting the other’s thoughts. “I think you always look nice.”

Jinhwan smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

_Church_ , the name of the club, was nothing like its namesake and like nowhere Jinhwan had ever been before. He supposed that wasn’t saying much, seeing as he hadn’t been in very many clubs, but he honestly didn’t think he had been in a space more crowded, or just plain _hype_ before.

From the moment the bouncer checked their IDs at the door (and gave Jinhwan a once-over, given his attire and baby face) the sound had been deafening- the place was a chaotic mess of bodies with everyone drunkenly cheering their lungs out for whichever rapper happened to take their fancy on the main stage. Thankfully, the boys didn’t have to be in the mosh pit with everyone else- Junhoe’s family connections had gotten them a VIP table from which they could comfortably watch the sets. Junhoe and Jinhwan took a plush elevator up to the second floor and found that Yunhyeong, Chanwoo and Donghyuk were already there. Everyone said hi and quickly got themselves comfortable with drinks.

Jinhwan watched the other rappers perform from the balcony, uneasily sipping at his drink. He was anxious for Bobby- this crowd was a tough one. One forgotten line or off-beat adlib and performers were brutally booed off the stage.

“Think they’ll be okay?” Junhoe asked next to him, voicing his concerns. Jinhwan was about to reply, but a familiar voice suddenly boomed across the club’s speakers.

_“Y’all ready to be taken to church?”_

Bobby and Hanbin walked on to the stage. If they were nervous, they didn’t show it- they looked like they’d been doing this for years, oozing confidence and charisma.

“My name’s Bobby.”

“And I’m B.I.”

“And y’all…” Bobby chuckled into the mic. There was fire in his eyes. _“Y’all ain’t ready.”_

It turned out that Jinhwan was not, in fact, ready.

He and the rest of their friends did not stop cheering for one single second during the rap duo’s performance. The atmosphere inside the club was almost electric during the set. Jinhwan knew that Bobby was talented, but seeing him on stage like this was just something else. He was a whole experience. Jinhwan watched Bobby and Hanbin in absolute wonder, trying to comprehend the sheer talent he was witnessing- it was clear that the two were in their element, the energy from each other and the crowd serving to make each bar they spat better than the last.

When it was over, the audience gave them a thundering round of cheers as a send off. The duo bowed exaggeratedly, throwing up a selection of obscure gang signs before they finally exited.

“What the fuck- did you know they were that good?” Donghyuk asked the group, eyes wide. Jinhwan merely grinned in response, shaking his head.

Junhoe was just calling for champagne when Bobby and Hanbin presently joined them upstairs, sweaty and basking in the afterglow of their performance.

 _“How the fuck were we?!”_ Bobby cheered, and the friend group was immediately on them, laughing and congratulating the two on a mind-blowing stage.

“Incredible.” Jinhwan whispered when it was his turn to hug Bobby. The younger pulled back, beaming.

“Thank you for coming, hyung. And thank you for, uh... dressing up.”

They couldn’t look more different at the moment: Bobby in his oversized, hypebeast streeetwear garb and Jinhwan in chinos, a shirt and a goddamn sweater vest.

“Shut up.” Jinhwan whined, hitting his arm.

“Oh, are we allowed to make fun of hyung’s outfit now?” Chanwoo asked, sounding pretty tipsy. Jinhwan sent him a glare but the younger just shrugged cutely. “What? I just didn’t wanna be the first.”

The group burst out laughing and proceed to have a really good night, everyone in high spirits after Bobby and Hanbin’s performance. Jinhwan and the rest of them were thrilled when the two rappers were asked to another private booth by industry professionals during the course of the night, presumably to discuss business. Jinhwan sent them off with as eager a wave as he could manage, slightly preoccupied with dancing around and on Junhoe.

**

It hit hard when Bobby told him that he had started dating Hanbin.  
  
Jinhwan found out at the same time everyone else did- when they were at some fancy schmancy brunch spot one Sunday morning. Cheers and congratulations followed Hanbin’s overjoyed declaration and Jinhwan joined in appropriately, all smiles and a quiet compliment, eyes never leaving his eggs benedict.

Hanbin and Bobby made sense, much like Jinhwan and Junhoe did. Both of them made the same niche hip-hop references, were very much into the same genres of music and could not see any other future for themselves than as artists or producers at major record labels. Hell, come graduation next year, it was likely that the two of them would be joining the same agency. 

It shouldn’t, but it hurt Jinhwan. He wondered if this was how Bobby had felt this past two years, watching him and Junhoe together.

Right after he was finished with his meal, Jinhwan excused himself from the group to go to the library. He didn’t really need to study, he’d already finished the next three assignments due, but he did need to be alone. He had always been sensitive and downright awful at hiding his emotions, much more when he was upset.

Running up the stairs of the Humanities Library, he quickly found his- _their_ \- favorite spot behind the last bookshelf on the third floor and sank to the ground. The waterworks came easy- Jinhwan suspected the first tear had actually fallen somewhere during his walk over here.

Not even five minutes later, though, there was a presence beside him; a warm embrace and familiar whispers- _Bobby_.

The younger boy sat on the floor beside him, wrapping his arms around the petite figure.

“Nani. Talk to me, please.”

Jinhwan cried even harder at that. He didn’t say anything- he couldn’t. It just wouldn’t be fair. He sniffled instead, letting himself be held. Once his breathing was back to normal, Bobby turned his face towards his to press a soft kiss to his lips. Jinhwan reciprocated, chasing the sweetness. The sweetness that he would now be sharing.

Jinhwan’s kisses grew more desperate as a heated, foreign emotion took over him. As he climbed into Bobby’s lap and licked into his mouth, he had only one singular goal in mind- the pressing, overwhelming need to prove something. To prove himself.

He scooted down and kneeled in front of Bobby, hands quickly undoing his pants and pulling the younger’s cock out.

“What-” Bobby gasped in surprise. “Babe, what are you doing?”

“Please?” Jinhwan asked, voice small.

The younger studied him for a moment and then sighed, kissing his forehead. He leaned back against the wall and nodded.

Jinhwan took Bobby’s cock into his mouth with none of his usual finesse- Jinhwan was still sniffling and the younger wasn’t even hard, but he was determined to see this through. Bobby watched him carefully, letting him. He knew this was more for Jinhwan than it was for himself. It didn’t take long for him to get into it, though- it was Jinhwan, after all- and soon he was cumming down the other’s throat with a deep groan.

The older boy licked his lips triumphantly afterwards, moving to sit next to Bobby once more. The younger held him close, his breathing still a little shallow.

“Do you feel better?” He asked.

“A little.” Jinhwan nodded. He fidgeted with his hands, thinking over what had just happened. “Only a little.”

Bobby pursed his lips.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Jinhwan looked at him with the makings of a genuine smile.

“No.”

**

There are periods of your life that feel like forever, because you want them to be. For Jinhwan, that was college: endless assignments, laughs, parties, successfully juggling his relationship with Junhoe and thirst for Bobby... it all seemed too hyper real, too untouchable, to end. 

But almost in the blink of an eye, four years passed and the boys found themselves in their graduation robes, standing and posing together while their families fussed over them and took pictures.

Jinhwan looked somber, and it wasn’t because his parents weren’t there to support him like everyone else’s were. He was quite used to that- his mother had passed away giving birth to him and his father had wanted nothing to do with him thereafter. His older sister had just started a business in Jeju and could not afford the flight to Seoul.

No, right at this moment it hit him that he wouldn’t be able to see Bobby as frequently after he left the confines of their campus. He knew that it was now only a matter of time before him and Junhoe started living together, and then it would really be the end of whatever it was that he and Bobby had going on between them. They would be limited to longing looks, the brush of hands at social functions... or worse, Bobby would just forget about him.

He and the younger boy hadn’t even talked about their future together- though he supposed that wasn’t fair. Jinhwan was a coward who had never talked to anyone about his feelings, least of all Bobby. Still, the thought of such an abrupt ending sent Jinhwan into an anxiety spiral. The intrusive thoughts were far too much for him, and he found himself behind the graduation building right after their ceremony, sobbing into his knees.

Suddenly, there was a gentle hand on his back.

“Jinhwan... sweetie, breathe. Come on darling, breathe.” A soft voice murmured.

Jinhwan did his best, clutching the arm close. Eventually, his panic subsided and he was left with the shakes and stray tears.

“Would you like to talk to me about it, honey?”

“I’m just... scared.” Jinhwan breathed shakily. “Everything’s changing...”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Junhoe’s mother assured him in a soothing tone, patting him gently on the back. “Remember Nani, you have changed too. You’re not the same person you were four years ago... you’re better, stronger and smarter. You can handle all the changes life will throw at you, I just know it.”

Jinhwan appreciated this woman more than she would ever know. He nodded at her advice and hugged her. She smiled, embracing him back tenderly.

He decided then and there that Mrs. Koo was absolutely right- he was just going to have to grow the fuck up.

Jinhwan went with Junhoe to his family’s graduation celebration dinner in a much better mood. He conversed with everyone at their table, was as attentive as possible to his boyfriend, and somehow throughout the evening found that he had indeed, faked it till he had made a genuinely good time out of the evening.

“Wanna head to the grad party?” Asked Junhoe as the two of them hopped back in his car, bellies full from all the good food they’d had during dinner.

Jinhwan contemplated it, thinking about a specific _‘u coming?’_ text from this one music graduate. He then thought about what Junhoe’s mother had said to him earlier.

“Not really... exhausted.” He replied, giving the younger a tired smile.

“Thank god, me too.” Junhoe sighed in relief, starting the car up.

“Really?” Jinhwan asked, raising a brow. He had expected his boyfriend to be speeding back home so that they could uber to the party. “But- all our friends will be there.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you just need a break from people.” The younger replied, eyes on the road ahead. Jinhwan could tell from the route that they were going back to his parent’s house. “We’ve spent four years with those guys. I don’t know about you, but I need some space.”

“Even on grad night?”

“Even on grad night.” Junhoe glanced at his boyfriend with a smile. “But Babe, if you wanna go to the party I can drop you off, no worries.”

The older boy considered it for a few seconds, shifting in his seat. He could go to the party without Junhoe, which would be ideal for getting a certain someone alone.

“I think...” Jinhwan said finally, shaking his head. “I think I need some space too.” He shot Junhoe a smile and got out his phone. He worried his lip for exactly a second before firing off a quick text, consisting of just two letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the long wait! i hope this long-ish chapter makes up for it just a little. just one more chapter of this fic left to go! thank you so much for reading <3 questions/feedback are always welcome!


	4. 4

Like Jinhwan predicted, things changed. Their friend group met up far less frequently, no longer bound by the common thread that was college. Everyone decided to stay on in Seoul, but they were all doing vastly different things: Donghyuk and Chanwoo were pursuing their master’s degrees, Yunhyeong had begun an apprenticeship under a renowned Seoul chef, Hanbin and Bobby were doing music.

Jinhwan had always wanted to work for the government. Junhoe was the son of one of the most powerful political families in Korea. So, owing to his exceptional grades and boyfriends’ connections, Jinhwan found that he didn’t have to spend any of the time that most of his fellow graduates did on job applications that they’d most probably never hear back from; two months out of university and he was working at the South Korean Department of Education, well on track to his dream job and thoroughly enjoying the process. Junhoe himself was set to follow in his family’s footsteps and become a powerful politician, so he spent his time in various government offices and different political headquarters, learning the ropes.

Keeping in line with Jinhwan’s predictions, Jinhwan had moved in with Junhoe. The both of them settled down in a spacious flat that overlooked Han River in an upscale neighbourhood- a graduation present from Junhoe’s parents. What Jinhwan had not foreseen about this, though, was the two of them actually beginning to enjoy each other’s company. At some point in their relationship, the older had decided that he was sick of putting up a facade to impress his boyfriend- he was reeling from the sudden loss (or lessening) of a certain graduate in his life and wanted to feel more like himself, consequences be damned.

What had resulted was a relationship and connection that Jinhwan had never known with Junhoe. He leaned into it wholeheartedly, healing his deeper scars with the newfound camaraderie.

Truth be told, Jinhwan still missed Bobby. He missed him when he ate pizza, missed him when he listened to music, missed him when he fell asleep at night. He missed him when he was happy and missed him when he was sad.

It certainly was hard to be away from Bobby… until it wasn’t. Adult life practically smacked Jinhwan in the face; suddenly, he had bills to pay, a house to keep in order and a job to work at.

What definitely helped, though, was the way that Bobby kept pointedly avoiding Jinhwan at every get-together that proceeded their graduation day. The younger, now apparently signed to some hot-shot music label along with his boyfriend, wouldn’t so much as even glance in Jinhwan’s direction. Jinhwan supposed that Bobby was still upset about his absence at their graduation party, but he found that he had too much pride to apologize.

He wondered, now, sitting right next to the man at dinner, if Bobby had actually wanted to tell him something. Something important, perhaps. Though, even if he had, Jinhwan guessed that ship had sailed a long time ago. Next week, it would have been six months since their graduation.

Yunhyeong presently passed him the tofu across the table, and Jinhwan accepted it with a smile. After serving himself, he chanced a look at the man on his left and bit his lip.

“Bobby. Want some tofu?” He asked, soft enough to not draw attention to himself, but loud enough so that the younger would hear. As expected, though, Bobby ignored him. The older sighed.

“I’d love some, actually.” Came a voice on his right.

Jinhwan turned his head towards Junhoe and shot him a grateful smile, passing him the dish.

“Didn’t know you liked tofu.”

“I don’t.” Junhoe winked, serving himself the tiniest possible sliver of the food. Jinhwan laughed, squeezing his arm. Suddenly, dinner seemed a lot more bearable.

Objectively, Jinhwan had little to complain about. He had an attentive boyfriend, a stable source of income and a beautiful home. He got to wake up in the morning and head to a job that filled him with the most wonderful sense of purpose and come home to a man and friend that was on the way to great things. And sure, there was Bobby- he suspected there would _always_ be Bobby- but he had learned to cope with that loss with a sense of equanimity. 

Perhaps that was the biggest change of them all: Jinhwan himself.

*

One evening when Jinhwan got home from work, he found a fancy, bordering on gaudy, invitation in the mail from The Black Label- which he immediately recognized as Bobby and Hanbin’s agency, a subsidiary of YG Entertainment. It turned out that Bobby was putting out his debut solo rap album and Hanbin was fittingly producing it. Junhoe and Jinhwan were invited for the album launch party in two weeks’ time, as stated by the shiny gold calligraphy.

Jinhwan felt momentarily hurt- he had not known that the younger was working on new music, much less a whole album of it. Bobby had not mentioned it at any of the dinners that they’d seen each other at during the past few months- not that he said very much to Jinhwan at all, but he certainly hadn’t spoken of it to the others either. It upset Jinhwan to know that he probably barely knew anything about the rapper’s life at all now, which really stung because there was a period of time in which he’d known every little detail about Bobby, from his assignment topics to his weird, overly-complicated McDonald’s order.

He was still staring hard at the invitation in the driveway when the shutting of a car door made him jump. He spun around and laid eyes on the usual culprit- his boyfriend getting out of a shiny black Tesla.

“That thing’s gonna be the death of me, I swear.”

Junhoe laughed at the older man’s expression, getting his briefcase and father’s campaign papers out of the car.

“I guess these things really are silent, huh?”

“Silent and ugly.” Jinhwan mock pouted. “It’s the exact opposite of you. I miss the Benz.”

“Compliments will get you nowhere… but we can think about it next year.” Junhoe exaggeratedly coddled his boyfriend, swinging an arm around his petite frame and dropping a kiss on his head. “Hey, what have you got over there?”

Jinhwan blinked for a few seconds before remembering the invitation in his grasp. He hurriedly thrust it into Junhoe’s hand, grimacing as he realised the cardboard was fairly crushed from the force of his grip. Junhoe didn’t seem to notice, though, examining it in interest.

“Whoa, he’s finally making his debut!”

“Yeah!” The older nodded, hoping he sounded happier than he felt.

“That’s awesome.” Junhoe grinned, looking genuinely happy for his friend. Jinhwan admired that so much about his boyfriend- how sincere and forthright he always was. “Let’s go inside, I’m gonna get my schedule cleared for this.”

Jinhwan followed him into their home, glad that at least one of them could be supportive of Bobby.

*

Two weeks later, Jinhwan and Junhoe walked the red carpet into one of the most exclusive clubs in Gangnam. They got a ridiculous amount of attention from the media- he supposed it was warranted, with Junhoe being who he was, but the couple had also become something of a sensation recently after Jinhwan had created an Instagram account that regularly featured pictures of the two of them. As they stepped away from the press, the first thing they saw at the entrance was a glossy, gargantuan poster of the album art, signed by yours truly.

The album was called _Love and Fall_ , but Jinhwan supposed it could’ve been called _Songs About Hanbin_. He hadn’t heard the album yet in its entirety, but that was the obvious conclusion he had come to, given the track list and Hanbin’s dreamy, pleased expression as he clung to Bobby’s arm while they greeted their guests at the club. Junhoe and Jinhwan were currently on the receiving of that expression, having just made their way into the venue.

“Sick party!” Junhoe yelled above the noise and chaos, though really, he was loud enough. “Congratulations, Bobby hyung!”

“Congratulations, guys.” Jinhwan said politely.

Jinhwan could feel Bobby’s gaze on him but didn’t dare look away from Hanbin’s face- he didn’t trust himself completely yet to not ruin one of the biggest nights of the rapper’s career. He was here to support Bobby as a friend, nothing more. They were nothing more than that now, after all. The rapper had seen to that personally.

It wasn’t hard to have a good time at the party. All the necessary elements were there- top-shelf liquor, great music, excellent company. Jinhwan’s spirits lifted considerably once Yunhyeong, Chanwoo and Donghyuk joined the mix, and it only went up from there. Soon, the group was jamming to the album together and drunkenly reminiscing about their college days.

Junhoe was currently retelling a crowd favourite- the one about how Donghyuk slept with his lecturer for a whole month without knowing, because he hadn’t been able to make her class.

Jinhwan listened with a smile on his face, giggling along with everyone else- it was nice to see his boyfriend getting to blow off steam in a non-political environment. It was clear that he needed a little sobering up, though, if the way he was slurring his words was anything to go by.

Whispering in Junhoe’s ear that he’d be back, Jinhwan got up from his seat to go get his boyfriend a glass of water. He pushed past the crowd and had almost made it to the bar, when his own alcohol-addled brain finally decided to tune into the lyrics from one of Bobby’s new songs, presently booming over the club speakers.

 _If other girls are Incheon_ _, y_ _ou're clear like the Jeju Island ocean_

Hearing the mention of Jeju, Jinhwan’s hometown, felt like someone had poured cold water over his body, sobering him up. Slowly, holding his breath, he turned back around to the general direction of where Bobby was seated, over in the VVIP. Surely enough, the man who penned those very words was staring directly at him.

It hit Jinhwan like a ton of bricks. This song, and so many others on the album, if he just cared to change a few pronouns here and there, could potentially be about him. About _them_. He almost choked on his own spit when he realized the implications of _Secret_ , a song they’d heard earlier in the night.

His mouth fell open a little as he realised that Bobby was now right in front of him, having probably walked over at some point during his internal monologue. His tongue swept over his lip piercing and his hands were casually stuffed in his pockets.

“You good?”

They ended up fiercely making out in one of the bathroom stalls, all tongue and teeth and pure, unadulterated desire. Jinhwan poured everything he could into the the way he sucked Bobby’s tongue- how much he’d missed him. Wanted him.

With every bruising kiss pressed to his lips, a familiar feeling bloomed in Jinhwan’s chest, though just as heavy as it had always been.

Because when they finally exited (at different times, of course,) and Hanbin was all over Bobby while the rapper still had his eyes locked on Jinhwan; the oldest realized that it would never really, truly be over between them.

*

That became their relationship after the album launch party: stolen kisses, hurried trysts and the occasional, long drawn-out fuckfests that happened when they were both completely certain that their significant others weren’t in town at the same time. The whole thing was decidedly somehow more juvenile than what it had been when they were actually still kids in college.

These clandestine meetings occurred more frequently than Jinhwan thought they would, though- Hanbin was constantly flying between Japan and Korea to train new composers and songwriters at YG, while Junhoe was always on some political campaign trail or the other with his father.

They were never too greedy though, so as to not get caught. Even if Hanbin and Junhoe were both away for an entire week at a stretch, Jinhwan made sure that they keep their meetings under two hours per day. Just enough time to watch a movie together. They never went out anywhere in public together either, always opting to call Yunhyeong, Donghyuk and Chanwoo if they wanted to go out to eat. It was always all too easy for Jinhwan to get lost in Bobby’s eyes, mind, or mouth- even if they weren’t fucking. Jinhwan didn’t trust himself with more than two hours at a time- he knew he’d get addicted. More addicted than he already was.

Bobby had a thing about clothes. Said thing was that he wanted Jinhwan in as little of them as possible when he came over. It didn’t matter if they weren’t doing anything remotely sexual- they didn’t have to be- Bobby would still want Jinhwan in his boxers, ideally seated in his lap. He said it was so that he could feel closer to the older. Jinhwan said it was because he was a pervert.

“Surely this is a health hazard.” Jinhwan jokingly rolled his eyes as he cooked some beef mince, shirtless, of course. Bobby was over for a quick dinner and they were having tacos tonight.

“Pretty sure the amount of chilli you put in there is the real hazard here.” The rapper came up behind him, pressing a kiss to his neck. Jinhwan shuddered slightly, pressing his ass back in sheer reflex. He could hear Bobby suck in a breath before bucking his hips up in interest.

“Mmm, you... you better go back to chopping tomatoes before there’s a different kind of hazard in the mix.”

Bobby didn’t listen, though, continuing his trail of wet, sloppy kisses on Jinhwan’s neck. The older endured it for a few seconds before spinning around, hands on Bobby’s ample chest.

“We can fuck or we can eat.” He said, already struggling to sound serious. “There’s no time to do both.”

“Who said anything about fucking?” The rapper winked. Jinhwan felt his insides turn to butter. “Turn back around.”

Jinhwan gulped and complied. No sooner had he done that, his boxers were pulled down and a large hand, slick with spit, was wrapped around his embarrassingly hard cock.

_“Bobby-”_

“Shhh, you’re okay.” The rapper whispered into his ear. His hold on Jinhwan’s cock got a little firmer. “I want you to get yourself off for me.”

Jinhwan’s eyes widened before settling on the frying pan in front of him.

“But- the beef-”

“You can multitask.”

Jinhwan bit his lip and slowly started rocking his hips back and forth, fucking into Bobby’s hand. He was gripping the stirring spoon in a vice himself, half-heartedly moving the meat in the pan around.

“You’re doing so well, baby.” Bobby crooned in his ear, bringing a hand up to tweak a nipple. The other settled on Jinhwan’s ass, moving him along. “Yeah, go on. Make yourself feel good.”

Jinhwan moaned out loud, cooking now forgotten, snapping his hips forward in earnest. He discarded the spoon and brought both his hands up to hold Bobby’s grip in place while he pushed into it, groaning as he felt the pleasure build.

“God, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” The rapper growled, watching Jinhwan in awe. “Fuck. Fuck, tell me when you’re about to cum, aite?”

Jinhwan nodded, breathing heavily as he got himself off.

“Think- think I’m close-”

Bobby immediately let go of Jinhwan’s cock. The older whined loudly in disappointment, but then gasped as he was manhandled, being lifted to sit on the kitchen island.

“Want you in my mouth.” Bobby explained, before taking his entire length in.

Jinhwan gasped, eyes closing and head lolling back. No one gave head quite like Bobby- unforgiving and thorough, with just the right amount of friction that the older had grown to crave.

“Fuck, that’s so good...” Jinhwan moaned, fisting a hand in the younger’s hair. “Yeah babe, just like- _ah!”_

Bobby sucked roughly at his cockhead and then Jinhwan was cumming down the younger’s throat with a yelp, slowly swaying into the tight heat all the while. Bobby made a noise of gratification as he swallowed it all, giving Jinhwan’s now oversensitive cock a few more experimental sucks before releasing it with a _pop_.

“You’re incredible.” Jinhwan panted, stroking Bobby’s face. “...but also insufferable.” He added, sniffing the air. “We’re gonna have to order in, the beef’s probably burnt.”

“I’m sorry.” Bobby grinned, tone indicating the exact opposite.

“Uhuh. I’m sure you are.” Jinhwan grinned back, unable to stop himself. “Turn off the stove for me, please?”

The rapper gave him a quick kiss, that turned into a quick make out, before stepping away. Jinhwan sighed in amusement, eyes scanning the countertop for his phone so that they could get food delivered. In doing so, though, he noticed some perfectly untouched vegetables on a chopping board. Vegetables that should have been diced around twenty minutes ago.

 _“Bobby!”_ Jinhwan yelled, crossing his arms, trying to look as intimidating as possible whilst naked with his boxers still bunched around his thighs. It seemed to work; Bobby was now approaching him looking fairly guilty. Jinhwan raised a brow. “Did you do that just to get out of chopping veggies?”

“I mean,” The younger started, sounding sheepish, “It wasn’t _just_ to-”

“Unbelievable.” Jinhwan shook his head. “I can’t believe you’d waste- _hey!_ _Put me down!”_

Bobby had lifted him off the kitchen island and was heading towards the living room couch, depositing the older onto it before he attacked him with tickles. Jinhwan shrieked in delight, bright peals of laughter bubbling out of his chest. After a good minute of the tickle assault Bobby finally eased off, only to be met with a good _thwock_ on the shoulder.

“You know you can’t just take me into your arms every time you want to get out of something.” Jinhwan huffed, catching his breath.

“Can’t I?” Bobby cocked his head to the side, smirking.

Jinhwan thought back to the hour’s events and blushed furiously, looping his arms around the younger’s neck, drawing him closer.

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Bobby’s chuckles soon turned into breathy moans. Needless to say, no dinner was ordered that night.

*

“How many kids would you want to have?”

“I know I want them… but I haven’t really thought about it, honestly. Have you?”

“Oh, totally- I want three. I feel like that’s a good amount? I’m going to have two and then wait a while to have the third; I read in _Cosmo_ that it would help to lessen that middle child syndrome.”

Jinhwan laughed, almost choking on his glass of wine. He was currently seated on the patio of Junhoe’s parents house with his boyfriend’s older sister, Yejin. Once a month, Mr. and Mrs. Koo insisted that the family all come together for a meal of sorts- today, they were having a barbecue in the garden.

Jinhwan quite liked these gatherings- he enjoyed their company immensely, they really did feel like family. From his presence here, he guessed that they felt the same about him.

“I think I’d have just one to start, and see how it goes from there.” Jinhwan laughed, swirling the dark red liquid around in the crystal. “I don’t know if we’d adopt or go the surrogacy route, but if our child’s anything like Junhoe, they’re gonna be a handful.”

 _“I’ll_ say.” Yejin scoffed, taking a swig of her cocktail. “God, that kid was a nightmare.”

“He was ridiculously adorable though, wasn’t he?” Jinhwan giggled. “Your mum’s shown me baby pictures- his smile hasn’t changed one bit.”

“Adorable my ass.” Yejin rolled her eyes. “He wasn’t so cute when he was belting out _Smooth Criminal_ every chance he got, for a whole two years straight. While his voice was cracking too, mind you.”

“Okay, fair…” Jinhwan grimaced, imagining how boisterous a pre-pubescent Junhoe would have been. “He really idolized him, didn’t he?”

“ _Idolized_ seems like too casual a word. He dressed up as Michael Jackson for every Halloween from when he was six till he was like… sixteen maybe? That’s ten whole years. Think Mom has a collage of the pictures upstairs.” 

“Really?” Jinhwan laughed in disbelief. “He’s never mentioned it before! I’d love to see it- that would be hilarious to put on his next birthday cake.”

“Come on!” Yejin gestured, getting up from her seat. “It’s in one of the studies upstairs- I’ll show you.”

“Lead the way.” Jinhwan stood up, finishing his glass. “Wait- where is Junhoe, anyway?”

“Probably arguing with Dad over which meat to grill first.” She shrugged, making her way inside the house. “We’ll only be a few minutes, anyway.”

The Koo house was much more of a modern mansion than it was anything else. Jinhwan followed Yejin up the massive mahogany staircase and onto the first floor, which opened up to another lounge area. They took their time in the corridors, talking and laughing over the pictures and mementos hung on the walls, before finally entering the aforementioned study.

“Well, there it is.” Yejin sighed fondly, pointing to the closest wall.

Jinhwan stared for a few seconds before a massive belly laugh made its way out of his mouth. He couldn’t help himself, it was one of the most comical progressions he’d ever seen in his life. The best thing about it by far, was that it was clear Junhoe had wanted to wear the exact same costume from ages six to twelve- even when the pants started to resemble shorts. The poses, the expressions, Junhoe himself; it was just too good, too precious.

“I just can’t get over how tiny the costume got.” Jinhwan wheezed, catching his breath.

“All our cousins made fun of him that year.” Yejin chuckled herself. “But my brother didn’t care one bit. Mom actually had to pretend it got torn in the wash to make him wear a new one.”

“Guess some things never change.” Jinhwan laughed fondly.

His gaze moved to the other photographs that were hung up, stopping at a family picture taken at the beach. He’d seen the image many times before; it had been Junhoe’s cover photo on Facebook for the longest time, before he changed it to one taken on their graduation day.

“I really love this one.” Jinhwan found himself saying, pointing it out. “You guys look like such a happy family there… There’s just so much warmth in it, you know? You can feel it.”

“Family’s pretty important to you, huh?” Yejin asked with a knowing smile.

“Yeah, definitely.” Jinhwan inhaled. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind. “I’ve always wanted a family of my own; a husband, kids, dogs, the whole nine yards.” He worried his lip. “Growing up in Jeju with just my sister was hard. She did the best she could for us, but… I really want to do it over.”

Yejin nodded in understanding, taking his hand and giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Well,” She said softly, nodding to the balcony doors behind them. “I think today could be a start.”

Jinhwan frowned in confusion, but as he turned his head to follow her gaze, his mouth parted in surprise. Slowly, he walked towards the glass doors and pushed them open, wondering if he was dreaming, but the stimuli were all so real; fragrant flowers and candles adorned the balcony railings, and a multitude of different petals were scattered on the floor. In the centre was Junhoe, fiddling with a little velvet box in his hands, a nervous smile on his lips.

It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Heart in his throat, Jinhwan stepped into the space before him, tears already pricking at his eyes.

*

The next time Bobby and Jinhwan met, the older already knew there was something different in the air between them.

Bobby had never, ever mentioned Junhoe or even alluded to him once in all the years that they’d been hooking up. Jinhwan had always been grateful for that, not only because he knew that it cut an element of toxicity out of their admittedly unhealthy relationship, but because it also gave him peace of mind whilst with the younger. He returned the favour, not once mentioning Hanbin either.

But today was not like other days. Today marked exactly one week since Junhoe and Jinhwan’s engagement had been announced in the newspapers and various media outlets: a fairly clichéd shot of the couple on a park bench, laughing and gazing into each other’s eyes.

 _‘College sweethearts’,_ it had read. _‘Soulmates’._

So when Bobby strode into Jinhwan’s home at the previously agreed upon time and proceeded to kiss him senseless against the door, without waiting for their customary house-check, the older was not completely surprised.

The younger’s kisses almost hurt. Bobby was ruthless as he covered Jinhwan’s mouth with his own, pillaging the soft, warm space with his tongue. There was a hand at the back of Jinhwan’s head, fisted into his hair, holding him in place during the attack- the older fervently tried his best to breathe through his nose.

This wasn’t for either of their indulgence, Jinhwan realised- this was Bobby sending him a message the only way they knew how. It reminded Jinhwan of the time that Hanbin and Bobby had just gotten together and he’d jumped the younger in the library, all those years ago.

“Babe,” Jinhwan panted as they finally broke apart, very aware that they were in still in the foyer, not even a foot away from the front door. “Come on, let’s go upstairs and-”

“No.” Bobby had this look in his eyes as he grabbed Jinhwan’s lapels and wrenched them in opposite directions, effectively tearing off his shirt. “Want you _now_.”

All the older could do was whimper in shock as he heard the rattle of buttons hitting the floor, his body coming to life again when Bobby licked a fat stripe up his neck. He started to rut shamelessly against the younger, giving himself into the hedonism. There was something so heady and intoxicating about being wanted by Bobby like this, no matter the consequence.

Almost in an instant, Jinhwan’s pants and boxers were being pushed down to his knees too, clearly having been undone along with himself, as Bobby aggressively got him on all fours. Jinhwan shivered, bare skin completely exposed to the air conditioning.

“Bobby-”

“Shut up.” The younger growled behind him, a hand coming down to spank his ass, hard. Jinhwan gasped in shock, doing as he was told. He was ridiculously turned on now, but Bobby sounded _angry-_ something Jinhwan had rarely experienced much of in their time together. He wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay, but his thoughts were scrambled as the younger’s tongue breached his hole, licking and probing.

“Fuck,” Jinhwan moaned out loud. “Oh god, fuck-”

All too soon though, Jinhwan felt two slippery fingers enter him- and it would have definitely been painful had he and Junhoe not fucked last night. Bobby was usually far more careful; but today was a different kind of encounter.

“You’re loose.” Bobby muttered behind him. For once, Jinhwan was able to detect the jealousy in his voice. He opened his mouth to say something, but a string of high-pitched whines left his mouth instead as the younger started to prep him as hurriedly as possible, stimulating his prostrate with quick, blunt strokes. Through cries and shakes, Jinhwan chanced a look back, only to see Bobby staring right back at him. There was a crazed sort of look in his eyes- it both terrified and excited him.

The younger’s finger’s picked up the pace and Jinhwan felt his vision start to blur.

“Shit, stop, fuck- fuck baby I’m close-”

Bobby responded by jerking Jinhwan’s cock roughly, squeezing the tip just so.

“Then cum, bitch.”

Jinhwan didn’t even have time to process what he was feeling; his orgasm overrode his senses and he came with a shudder, crying out the younger’s name. He didn’t have any downtime though, one second his cock was still pulsing out cum and the next, Bobby’s fingers had slipped out of him, only to be roughly replaced with his dick.

Bobby set a brutal pace from the start, not giving Jinhwan any time to accommodate him. Jinhwan shook in ecstasy and overstimulation on the carpet beneath him, arms barely able to hold himself up.

“He fucks you like this? Makes you beg like this?” The rapper leaned down so that his lips moved against Jinhwan’s ear. He drew his hips back, then slammed all the way back in. “Answer me!”

Jinhwan wanted to cry. He felt so small and humiliated, yet so perfectly whole.

“B-Bobby-”

“I wish the world could see you for what you really are, baby boy,” Bobby practically snarled as he repeatedly drove in and out of the tight, wet heat. “Mine. All fucking mine.”

“Please,” Jinhwan managed to get out, though he didn’t know what he was asking for. “I need- gonna-”

“What’s that? You gonna cum on my cock?” The younger sounded sickeningly smug. “That’s right, let it all out... let your neighbours know that I fuck your whore ass better than your fiancée ever could.”

Jinhwan was crying for real now. It was all too much, and he was at his breaking point. Bobby seemed to recognize this, his strokes starting to hit his prostrate dead-on. Jinhwan dropped down to his arms and sobbed loudly, his mind unable to process the sensations.

“I- Bob-”

“It doesn’t matter whose last name you have Nani, you’ll always be my pretty little slut.”

_“Jiwon!”_

Jinhwan didn’t know if he was screaming out of shame or pleasure, or whether one was feeding into the other, but out of nowhere his body shook violently with orgasm and he was cumming a second time, the force of it rendering him limp for a few seconds. Lights danced in front of him, and his eyes closed.

When he finally came to, Bobby was looking at him in deep concern and remorse. Everything was still hazy, but he could just about make out that they were still in the living room. The sticky sensation down there confirmed that Bobby came in him... which was good- Jinhwan was _glad_ he came. A dopey smile spread across his face as he blinked slowly.

“Are you okay?” Someone asked in the distance. They sounded like home. They sounded like Bobby.

“...fine.” He answered, but his voice felt far away to him. He closed his eyes again, exhausted.

“I’m sorry.” Bobby whimpered. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” His tone alone, broken and guilt-ridden, made the older’s eyes flutter back open immediately.

“Don’t be, babe.” Jinhwan breathed, summoning his last reserves of energy to cradle the rapper’s head to his chest. “It’s okay. We’re okay…”

They fell asleep like that: sweaty, cum-stained and spent on Jinhwan and Junhoe’s living room carpet. A half hour later, Bobby woke up enough to transfer the both of them into the shower to get cleaned up. After getting back into his clothes, he immediately moved to leave the house. Jinhwan didn’t stop him. He could practically see it eating the younger up inside, but knew that there was nothing he could do. This was something that Bobby would have to work through on his own.

Fortunately or unfortunately, it was the last time they saw each other before the wedding.

**

Junhoe and Jinhwan’s wedding was easily one of the biggest events on Seoul’s social calendar that year. Jinhwan didn’t have much family to speak of, bar his older sister, and for once he was grateful: Junhoe’s guest list alone, what with his large family and all his parents’ business and political associates, amounted to just over six hundred people.

Jinhwan had no qualms about marrying Junhoe. The two of them were under no (alright, minimal) pretences with each other- it wasn’t the whirlwind romance that Junhoe’s parents were making it out to be to their guests, but there was a real friendship and companionship there that Jinhwan knew that him and his fiancée were both very grateful for. Jinhwan knew he would actually be quite upset if he didn’t have Junhoe in his life, and he clung to this thought as he walked arm-in-arm down the aisle with his new husband.

Bobby still flashed across Jinhwan’s mind throughout the entire church ceremony, but he was beyond feeling guilty now. The feeling was almost pervasive in a sense when he was in college, but he’d now settled into it like a second skin. The fact of whatever him and Bobby were, was one of just that: fact. The grass was green, the sky was blue, the sun rose in the east... and Kim Jinhwan would never be able to resist Kim Jiwon. He had come to terms with it.

The reception took place under massive white marquees on the lush grounds of a gorgeous country club that the Koos happened to own. Jinhwan had always wanted a garden wedding, so it worked well. The event was beautifully decorated, much in thanks to Jinhwan, Yejin’s and Mrs. Koo’s months of meticulous planning; earthy tones and gold accents, rustic mood lighting, immaculate flower arrangements on both the tables and the ceilings, elaborate goodie bags for the guests.

As Junhoe twirled him around during their first dance, he whispered, _“are you happy?”_ and it made Jinhwan’s heart soar.

Jinhwan kissed him hard in response, much to the delighted cheers from their friends and family. As he pulled back, smiling ear to ear, he thought to himself that he definitely loved Junhoe as much as he was able to- and that, despite what he’d initially thought, was no small amount. 

Sometime during the reception, Jinhwan stole away to have a little moment to breathe. Or rather, that was what he had told himself- he knew it was a lie. In actuality, he’d just noticed that Bobby wasn’t to be seen around the venue, and was admittedly worried.

The groom wandered away from the reception area and into the country club’s flower gardens, the tall hedges around it creating a kind of maze. Two right turns and a left, and he saw the man he’d been looking for, seated forlornly on a bench in a little alcove. Jinhwan breathed in slowly, taking his time to really observe the younger for the first time today.

Bobby was in a midnight blue suit and a white shirt- no tie, the collar and a few top buttons undone. Around his neck was a diamond encrusted Cuban link chain done in white gold that was sized well enough to look classy, but blinding enough to let you know that he could probably buy you- Bobby had really made it big in Korea’s music scene. His hair was slightly messy, like he’d been running his fingers through it. Or like Jinhwan had been pulling at it while- _no. Stop._

Junhoe looked impeccable in his own three-piece suit, that much was certain, but Bobby... Bobby made Jinhwan want to get down on his knees to worship at his altar.

Jinhwan pushed all sexual thoughts aside, though, when he caught sight of Bobby’s face. The rapper looked positively fine- happy, even- during the church service and most of the reception (he’d snuck covert glances), but Jinhwan now realized that it was all a facade, because right now the younger looked like he was barely holding it together.

Even from the distance Jinhwan was at, Bobby looked like he’d just had a bit of a cry and was taking deep breaths to calm himself, almost as if fending off a panic attack. Jinhwan felt his chest tighten, and his feet moved of their own accord.

Bobby couldn’t see him yet and the older approached him skittishly, as if afraid that one wrong move could spook him. But almost as soon as the thought passed Jinhwan’s mind, Bobby looked up and met his gaze, because honestly, when had he ever not noticed the older man? The rapper quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand while Jinhwan stopped in front of him.

“Hey-”

“Congratulations, you’re married.” Bobby interrupted him, his voice sounding raspy. His tone didn’t indicate anger or sadness or anything, really. It sounded as if he was just stating a fact, and nothing more. Jinhwan gulped.

“Thank you. I... I guess I am.” He replied cautiously.

Bobby nodded in response, looking far away. Jinhwan sat down beside him, close enough so that their thighs touched. He so badly wanted to ask if the younger if he was alright, but potential answers to his question had him biting his tongue- he just didn’t know if he had it in him to be the person that Bobby needed. He sat silently with the younger instead, every brush of their shoulders feeling like an unspoken conversation of their own.

“So tell me...” Bobby was the one to break the silence. “What happens now?”

In all the years that they had been doing this, they’d never discussed any facet of this thing between them out loud. It was a mutually, silently agreed upon contract.

Jinhwan opened his mouth and closed it, panic seeping into his brain.

The rapper took Jinhwan’s silence as it’s own response and laughed, but it was mocking and without mirth.

“That’s alright, hyung. That’s fine. I understand...”

“What do you understand?” Jinhwan suddenly blew up, standing up and turning to face him. Bobby’s mouth had parted in shock at his outburst, but Jinhwan decided that he cared far too much about the younger man to not be clear about his feelings anymore. “What exactly is it that you understand, huh? How much I need you? How much I miss you?” His voice trembled. “How much I love you?”

“You- you... _what?”_

Bobby was crying again. It occurred to Jinhwan that he’d never seen Bobby cry before (the situation had always been in reverse), and he didn’t know how to deal. He settled for taking a step forward and cradling Bobby’s head against his stomach, running a hand through his locks and wrapping his arms around the rapper, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

Bobby took deep, shaky breaths, holding Jinhwan tight against him. The older let himself be held, soothing him with soft words and a gentle hand at his back. When his breathing was less laboured, Jinhwan slowly lifted Bobby’s head up and kissed the tears away, just like the latter used to do for him in college. Jinhwan was aware that this was an extremely compromising situation to be caught in, but he’d be damned if Bobby didn’t feel the extent of his affection at this moment. Even if it was his wedding day.

“Bobby...” He whispered soothingly.

“You _do_ love me.”

“I do.”

“You _love_ me.”

“I do.”

Bobby yanked Jinhwan down onto his lap so that he was sitting sideways before enveloping him in a tight embrace. Jinhwan sighed in relief at the familiar scent of Bobby’s skin, and he nuzzled into the younger’s neck.

The angle of the hug was weird and the force and positioning they were in was going to give Jinhwan’s neck a crick in approximately seventy seconds, but the newlywed couldn’t bring himself to care.

All Jinhwan’s life, he had been forced into neat little boxes: shallow, sharp-edged, ill-fitting. He didn’t know what shape this particular box was but right here, being in Bobby’s arms really did feel like his perfect fit. His admission today was a big one- it changed things. It changed everything they knew about each other, everything they operated on, every interaction they’d ever had- and _would_ have. And yet...

It would all be exactly the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! That's the end! This one's been such a trip to write because it really did feel so personal to me. This is also the first time in a long time that I've completed a chaptered fic, which is wild! Thank you so much for sticking with it and reading it! Any and all feedback is appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> twt: @thotjinhwan


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